Tuesday, 21 January 2014

From Script to Screen: Online Greenlight Review 22/1/14

1 comment:

  1. OGR 23/01/2014

    Hi Rosie,

    Okay - a couple of things: one, just be really careful about typeface and your graphic design more generally; your OGR document is actually very difficult to read, and I'm unsure of the rationale behind a) the gothic, germanic typeface and b) the colour. In simple terms, do any of these choices reinforce or explain your Eskimo world? Not much... There's a simple golden rule when it comes to graphic design and layout etc, which goes like this: "before you try and be interesting, first just try and be good".

    Okay - now, I have to be honest and admit to not really 'getting' your story idea exactly. I get - and like - the idea of the Eskimo girl discovering that her world is a stage-set in a snow globe - nice. What I don't understand is why there is another Eskimo character, this time a boy with horns, who is reading a comic, and also where the stick of dynamite comes in? It's not even clear 'where' the action on the outside of the globe is happening. Why is it even necessary for the 'outside world' to associate so closely with the inside world of the Snowglobe; isn't the point of a snow-globe is that it's a distinct climate contained in a dome, that people who don't live in that climate are drawn to because it's 'another world'? Why would the boy character with horns have a snow globe in the first place? I understand that you're dealing with a metaphor here, but I don't understand 'where' anything is or 'why' it is.

    Can I make a suggestion - which also makes use of the dynamite. Okay - so Act 1 begins as you've written it - a brave eskimo girl discovers she's trapped in a snow globe, you show this quickly; then, once we've panned out of the snow globe, we see it situated in a room, on a desk, and it's sitting on an open comic book; we then pan into a frame of the comic book, in which some action hero discovers what the eskimo discovers - that his world is bound up by the frame of the panels he's drawn in. Both the Eskimo girl and the action hero boy see each other (she's looking down into the comic world/he's looking up into the snow globe world). We realise they have a connection and they want out of their respective worlds; how do they do it, well, because the guy is in an action comic, there's dynamite handy... bang, all the water comes out of the globe, the eskimo girl is swept out and into the comic book, the now 2d water and characters are swept through the remaining panels and smash out of the back of the comic and are free...* ( I also think there could be a final twist here, where, once we see our characters together in 'the real world', the camera pulls back again and we see that this story is on television (i.e. another prison), and we see the two characters figure this out and then, in the closing seconds, they look at each other and rush at us towards the screen...)

    The short version, Rosie, is that right now, it's just not clear what function the 'exterior world' has or what logic as put it there - and there's the small issue of the missing stick of dynamite (unless you mean that when the action comic covers the globe, that makes the dynamite available?).

    It might be that I'm not understanding your intentions from your premise etc. but if so, I think that's because your OGR doesn't communicate your story effectively yet.